The other night I happened to be hanging out with both my brown-eyed and blue-eyed lovers. Yes, I know what you are thinking and it occurred to me as well…especially when I was standing between their naked bodies cupping brown-eyed’s balls in my left hand and blue-eyed’s balls in my right…THREESOME!! Magnificent, long-awaited threesome with those two beautiful young men.
Alas, it was not to be…for a number of reasons.
Later, I entered into a discussion with my brown-eyed lover about why I was reluctant to engage in group sex with him. I found it is the same reason I am reluctant to engage in group sex with hetero couples anymore. Someone (other than me) always has emotions come up, the sexual activity stops, and attention given to that person…or s/he is ignored…which is also weird.
It’s never hot.
Based on my personal experience, here’s why:
If you’re caught up in your insecurity or jealousy, you’re not fully in your body in that moment. I have spoken before about feeling invulnerable/invincible while be sexual. There’s a reason. I am fully in my body. My delight in the physical sensations makes it next to impossible to focus on anything but the present moment. Oftentimes, in group experiences, I get to a point where I am not even fully able to speak or understand language.
I don’t want to be taken out of that to caretake somebody’s emotions. Issues around jealousy and insecurity are not problems anyone can solve but them. They’ve got to unwind that story, be with whatever memories or feelings or fears they have. When we’re all naked and in bed together, that’s not the time for that stuff. I can make space for that at other times. We can meet for coffee or go for a walk. I can hold space for it…some…but not in group sexual experiences.
Threesomes involving couples are advanced adventures. It’s rare that all three are to a point where it doesn’t cause emotional upset for someone.
Maybe this is where I could grow my compassion but I don’t really want to. Group sex is for the big kids. If you’re not sure about it, you probably shouldn’t be doing it. If you haven’t worked out your jealousy issues, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.
Disclaimer: While this may be based on real personal experiences, I make no claim as to its veracity in any sense of the word.